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Building a Lasting Bond: How Open Communication and Non-Negotiables Shaped Our Love Story

Updated: Feb 17

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The Genesis of a Strong Bond

When my husband and I met (through a dating app of all places), we knew the value of open communication in a relationship – lessons we both learned the hard way from past experiences. Our initial conversations weren't just pleasantries; they were deep dives into our non-negotiables, our needs, and our expectations in a partnership. We often joke that we crammed two years worth of dating and the slow "getting to know yous" into just a few days. By the time we met in person for the first time, I felt like I'd known him for many years.

Non-Negotiables: A Key to Compatibility

From the onset, we laid out our deal-breakers and essentials. We both had endured failed marriages marked by poor communication, among other things, so this time around, we were adamant about not repeating past mistakes. We shared our methods of expressing love, our parenting styles, and our life aspirations. Remarkably, everything aligned. We respected each other's past and understood that any new, serious relationship would have growing pains as we each brought our own histories and trauma into it.

Beyond Superficial Connections

Unlike our previous relationships, where compromises on significant issues were common, this time it was different. We were both scarred from our past, yet hopeful, knowing life’s brevity and the importance of genuine connection. Our conversations never centered around simple things like favorite colors or restaurants (although those things came up of course), rather they focused on the big issues - religion, politics, parenting, physical needs, plans once the kids are grown, etc. We were prepared to walk away if it didn’t feel right – but, fortunately, we never had to.

Building on Trust and Transparency

Our relationship is rooted in unwavering trust and transparency. We share everything with each other – fears, past mistakes, hopes, stories, goals – more than we do with family or friends. This level of openness has built a trust so strong that judgment and fear have no place in our marriage. I've never felt so known and understood by another human. We often go to say the same thing at the same time, joking that we share a brain. Our connection is one like I never knew possible.

The Power of Unconditional Support

We stand firmly by each other, offering unconditional love and support. We prioritize our relationship while respecting each other’s individuality. This balance allows us to be our true selves, speak our minds freely, and grow both individually and as a couple. I know he has my back in any situation, and he knows I have his.

We've never had an argument. Not once. Having never had an argument might seem unusual to some, but for us, it's a testament to our commitment to effective communication. Any misunderstandings are often recognized as such immediately and clearly communicated before anything has a chance to turn sour. Our story is proof that when communication is prioritized, a relationship can flourish beyond expectations.

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PS - If you are interested in increasing communication with your partner, or just having an excuse to write a love note each week, grab this free sample of my journal "52 Weeks of You and Me: A Year of Love Notes and Reflections"

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